Love vs. Friendship

He’s not a nice person…

when he’s upset and the status quo is threatened.  He lashes out and paints himself as the victim when he’s actually the one being the aggressor.  It makes me wonder if everything he ever told me about the problems in his marriage were more based on him and his personality defects than solely on his wife and what he claimed were her faults.

From the beginning of our relationship he’s always said we were friends first, best friends, and no matter what happened between us the friendship would remain forever.

I’m learning forever is conditional.

He has a vision of who I should be, how I should act, and the life I should live.  Any deviation is unacceptable.

We’ve discussed for months how I want to be supportive of him remaining in his marriage and making it the very best it can be.  I want him to make every effort to bridge the gap with his wife, go above and beyond to make his marriage everything he’s always wanted it to be.

I’ve pulled away, pushed him away, told him his focus should be on her and on them and I was no longer going to be a distraction.  I’ll be his friend, but that’s where it has to end.

He claims to be okay with our new status.  He says he’s okay with it.  His actions speak far louder than his words.

Friendship has to be a mutual interaction between two people equally willing and able to share.  He claims to want to be my friend, yet he is unable to allow me to share the important parts of my life, the intimate parts apart from him.  He wants to hear only the topical events, the benign portions of my days, my nights, my weekends.

I tried being open, honest, sharing completely.  He didn’t take it well.  In fact, he became almost hateful, mean for sure.  When I tried pointing out what friendship means, how I wanted his support in the same manner I was supporting him, he said I was “trashing him” and we were over.

He lashed out.  Became hurtful, ugly.  Then when I finally conceded we should in fact be done, he back pedaled.  He justified his anger, his words, on how I was treating him.  It was my fault!  Hmmmm

He then tried to act like nothing was said, it was all a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation of meaning.  He changed the subject and started talking about unimportant, topical things.

I, as a result, have little interest in remaining friends.  I told him I didn’t see us being capable of friendship after all the other emotions we’ve shared.  Too much history and connection to revert to something as empty and distant as friendship.

He’s trying to correct the way he acted, but I’ve seen the darkest side of him and I no longer have any reason to share my life with him in any way.

I do wish him the best, but I’m no longer interested in hearing about his life, his experiences, his achievements, his disappointments.  He’s of no consequence to me now.  And I don’t have any regrets.

 

 

 

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