It’s funny how people who either haven’t lived outside the proverbial box or are doing their best to fool themselves into believing they’re above making decisions they think they never in a million years would make, pass judgement and condemn others without walking a mile in their shoes.
I’ve been married and divorced twice. As I stated at the very beginning of my blog journey, I was married the first time for 11 years to a serial cheater. I stayed in our dysfunctional marriage for the benefit of our sons and because I was raised to believe marriage was a for better or worse, til death do us part commitment.
When our sons started getting old enough to realize something was amiss and I knew I could no longer justify having them witness a broken marriage example they would later think was okay for themselves, I ended it. It was the most difficult decision to that point I’d ever made.
Fast forward 19 years in marriage number 2, a total break down of his commitment to us, and our son (my third) witnessing the dysfunctional way we existed, I again found myself having to make a tough decision – stay married to what essentially was a roommate relationship or end it and hope to find happiness for myself living a single life for the first time in 30 years.
I waited until our son graduated from high school in hopes of lessening the emotional impact it had on him and being able to discuss with a young adult why things were changing.
Twice in my life, I put others before me. Twice in my life, I stayed in impossible relationships longer than I should. I didn’t take either decision lightly. Entering into an affair was much harder and not something I ever dreamed I’d do. It was against the grain of my upbringing and my better judgement. But I did so after lots of reflection and consideration.
For someone to pass judgement on me without giving me the benefit of the doubt and without talking to me and asking what went into my decision, is not only shallow on their part, but also insensitive and cruel.
Perhaps they’ve lived a charmed, perfect life and never had to make tough decisions. Or perhaps they’ve been on the receiving end of an affair and accepted no personal responsibility in why it happened to them. I don’t know because they only condemned me harshly and offered no additional insight into why it was so easy for them to be mean.
I would ask them to take stock of themselves. Cast the first stone if the honestly think they’re without fault. Otherwise, don’t judge unless you’ve walked in my shoes.
I never would have thought I’d have an affair with a married man. I hated when it happened to me in my first marriage, repeatedly. But I did what I thought was right, based on what I was being told by my lover. I believed in and trusted him.
Clearly, based on my recent blog posts, I’ve come to the conclusion I made a mistake in trusting and believing him. He may very well have believed what he told me and how he felt along the way, but things have changed and I no longer will allow his commitment to both of us.
Their marriage is not coming to an end so our affair is. Both simple and hugely complicated at the same time.
The ride on the rainbow my accuser is taking, or fooling themselves into believing their on, would be interesting to witness. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to find out. My life is enough and I don’t pass judgement on someone I don’t take the time to get to know.
If this was you and you’re reading this, think.