Learning to Find Satisfaction in Uncertainty

I knew we weren’t going to see each other this week.  He’d told me she was not working and he wouldn’t be able to get away.  I also knew he might be going to Canada for business.  He did.  He left yesterday afternoon.

He messaged in the morning and said he wasn’t sure about service internationally.  I hadn’t thought about the possibility.  I’d actually hoped we’d be able to chat in the evenings when he returned to his hotel room.

He contacted me on his way to the airport to inform me they’d provided him with a special code to use on his phone and computer for business purposes.  He’d try to message me when he was able in between meetings and work.

Although I had been prepared to have him go “dark” for the 3 days he’s gone, he’s been able to message some.  I was happy to hear from him.  I miss holding him in my arms, but it’s almost easier his being out of the country while she’s home and he wasn’t able to spend our normal days together.  At least he’s not at home with her.

There’s a possibility he’ll be able to come by and see me on his way back from the airport tomorrow.  I’m not sure when his flight gets in, but when I suggested the possibility, he said it was a very good idea.

His birthday is next Wednesday.  His parents have decided to not come up for dinner while she’s away for work.  They’ve decided to celebrate his birthday and Father’s Day on Sunday.  This means I’ll get him both nights, hopefully earlier rather than later. Work needs to cooperate and allow him to have my evenings free!  We have catching up to do!

Regardless of the interruptions, the uncertainties, the changes, I want him in my life.  I want to wait for our future.  I don’t know when that’s going to begin, when it will move forward without her, but I want to wait.  I want to remain satisfied with the bits and pieces we have together.

I don’t like hoping for their end, but I do.  I want her to leave, to decide life with him is no longer beneficial.  I want the money to not be her driving force.  I want her to decide the shallow, unfulfilling existence they live is no longer part of what she wants in her future. I want her to meet someone who has more money, more financial gain, who takes her away.

I want him, not his money.  I could care less if he still had it.  If it were all gone, if he had to give her half, it wouldn’t matter to me.  I want happiness, love, a life with him.  I want our future to begin.  I want to spend the rest of my days making him happy, loving him, spending time with him, enjoying our days, our nights, our forever.

I want to spend every second making love to the man I’ve grown to love more than anyone I’ve met before.  I want his body pressed against mine, every night.  I want to wake up looking into his sleeping face.  I want to kiss his relaxed lips.  I want to feel him stir beside me and make love again to start our day.





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