The highs and lows and everything in between

We were together Tuesday and Wednesday of this week.  The holiday changed her work schedule, which in turn changed our schedule.  With the shortened work week, he lost a day of business and was busier both days so arrived late.

I made dinner both nights. The first meal was a little more time-sensitive, and harder to negotiate with uncertain arrival.  The second night I planned for a meal I was able to be less concerned with.  I could quickly finish as soon as he arrived.

I enjoy cooking and I really enjoy cooking for him because he appreciates my effort and loves to eat.

When he left this morning, I sent him home with leftovers he said he never gets at home, unless he cooks himself, which he rarely does.  When they’re together, they eat simple meals – sandwiches or soup – or they go out to eat at a local place for something equally simple and mundane.

This will be a short month for us.  We won’t see each other next week.  She is off to do volunteer opportunities and he has to fly to Canada for business.  They have a new client needing face-to-face attention for reassurance.  He hadn’t planned to travel and doesn’t particularly want to go because it will be a quick there and back trip, but his presence has been requested by the client.

His birthday is the 14th.  I won’t get to see him on his actual birthday, she’ll be home, but I’m supposed to see him the 2 days before based on the schedule he’s provided me for the month.  One of my scheduled days his parents may come up to take him out for dinner since she’ll be gone.  They won’t come to his home when she’s around.  She’s treated them horribly and they refuse to be there when she is.

The last week of the month he’s gone again.  He’s going home, where he grew up, to visit extended family and friends.  I’m hoping to travel south to visit my son and his wife to see their new home while he’s gone.  It won’t be as difficult for me to not see him since I’ll be away as well.  I planned it that way on purpose.

I’m finding our current “state”, our relationship, to be uncomfortable.  He’d never rejected her completely in the past.  He’d never ignored her birthday, never walked out during an argument and not returned until the following day, never told her he was finished.  He’s shaken her up and she realizes he’s serious.  I’m sure she’s come to the realization of all she’ll lose.  Therefore, she’s being cooperative, complacent, less confrontational.  They’ve settled into routine.

This routine worries me.  He’s certain the marriage will end.  He’s certain it’s the eye of the storm, the calm before the eruption.  I can’t help believe she’s planning to do everything to control her reactions, her outbursts, her anger in order to maintain this routine.

As long as the routine stays calm, doesn’t become volatile, she’ll remain, he’ll tolerate her presence, and I’ll still be his mistress.  Nothing more.  I’ll get his bits and pieces, his nights when she’s working.  Until she takes 4 months leave and then I’ll be lucky to get a single evening, let alone an overnight.

I want her to explode.  I want her to be who she really is and has been.  I want her to let her guard down.  I want him to be able to force her departure.  I want the end he’s been talking about since we first met over 8 months ago.





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