Normal, in an abnormal situation

Long holiday weekend.  I’ve had something scheduled every day.  I hiked Friday during the day and went out that night with a friend.  Yesterday I hiked all day with a group I’ve joined and went out for a late lunch following.  Today I was busy from 10 until 7. Tomorrow I have plans as well.

He got finished with work early Friday.  His wife was home all weekend and will be tomorrow as well.  Her schedule changed because of the holiday.  She’ll work Tuesday thru Thursday this week.

They had “couples” things they needed to attend – things expected of them outside of his control and within what he’s trying to do to keep the peace.  Not exactly perfect as far as I’m concerned, but nothing I can do about it.

He has kept in touch, closely.  He wasn’t thrilled about my Friday evening, said it worries him when I’m out with friends, knowing there’s a chance I might meet someone, decide I no longer want what we have.

The original plans he had, or told me about for the weekend, changed.  He’d told me his plans were to keep them “occupied” with others so they wouldn’t need to be alone all weekend.  He wanted, needed, the distraction from having to deal one-on-one with her. As it ended up, he worked in the yard, in his shop, and at his RV lot doing repairs on the deck and keeping busy.

He will be with me Tuesday and Wednesday evenings this week after work.  We haven’t talked about whether or not we’ll share dinner.  Hopefully yes.  I enjoy cooking for him. And I get to be creative with dessert as well.  He likes to eat so it’s fun to watch him enjoy what I make.

I am pleased with myself for not being upset about his weekend with her.  I’m trying to be as understanding as I can, accepting of his circumstance.  Ideally I wish she’d decide to leave.  Or he’d decide his money isn’t worth staying with her in a miserable marriage. Either way, I want to be with him as much and as often as I can and he’s available.

We don’t have a traditional relationship.  We’re not conventional and aren’t able to have a normal, out in the open date.  We have to sneak around, watch for people he might know, or people who might know them.  We can’t go to places in our “in common” parts of town.

I want things to be different, but I also want to be happy in my current circumstances.  I want to be everything to him and for him we both need.  He makes me happy.  He tells me I make him the happiest he’s ever been.  We are both fulfilling something we’ve lacked and desire.

For as long as I can, and am still willing, and for as long as we’re forced to remain in this holding pattern, I will be what he needs and wants from me in this abnormal life we’re living.



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