Turmoil and uncertainty

He’s scheduled his appointment with the attorney.  He has no idea if she’s done so.

She’s made some feeble attempts at playing nice.  She’s suggested counseling for them both and she’s mentioned her going to see a doctor about “anxiety” medication.  She’s reached out to a brother she alienated 9 years ago and is trying to reach out to other family members she pushed away or ran off.

He has seen similar responses from her in the past when they’ve had a major break, but he’d never gotten to the point of being finished like he is now.  She’s aware of the change in him and he says she’s obviously very frightened of the impact a divorce will have on her current lifestyle.

She no longer will be able to work 2-3 days a week and take 4 months off from October to February every year.  She’ll have to move and find a place to live she can afford and not have the luxury of his income to support her frequent trips and leisure activities.

He’s making calculated moves, protecting his interests, his personal safety given her violent mood swings.  He’s staying away from home more, for longer periods of time, avoiding confrontation and conflict that might escalate.

I’ve been able to spend much of this time with him.  He’s keeping me apprised of all the decisions he’s making, what, why.  He’s reassured me I am not the reason he’s divorcing her, she is.  Her anger, her bad attitude, her negative outlook, her critical nature, her volatility and violence.

He does tell me he loves me, that I’m a breath of fresh air, my personality and happy nature are a 180 degree difference, and he’s able to relax and breath around me.  He loves the intimacy and physical connection we share, but more so than that it’s the friendship we’ve built.

He’s never had anyone care for him, cherish him, appreciate him the way I do.  I feel exactly the same about the way he treats me.  We are a perfect fit!  We laugh, we cry, we share.  We appreciate all the little things about each other that often get overlooked.  We have the same desire for family and friends, for interaction and contribution.

I don’t want to rush things and he needs to do what must be done to separate himself from her.  He needs to seek the guidance of his attorney, do what he must to protect himself and all he’s rebuilt following his first divorce.  He needs to do things the right way this time.

The first time he let his emotions dictate what he thought was right.  His first wife was the mother of his daughters.  He did what he felt was in the best interest of his girls.  He didn’t insist upon setting the funds aside specifically for the girls thinking their mother would do the right thing and use his support for them.  That never happened.

There are no children from this marriage.  There are no connections apart from the 8 years they’ve been married – 8 years of arguing, discord, lack of intimacy, isolation and alienation of friends and family.

He feels he’s failed yet again, but I remind him daily there are two people in every situation responsible for either success or failure of a marriage.  She pushed him over and over again, took him for granted, abused his kindness and generosity, refused to accept responsibility and compromise.

He’s a caring, loving, nurturing man.  He’s creative, gentle, kind.  Her broken spirit and angry nature drove him away and made him become a lonely, unhappy man.  In his loneliness and unhappiness, he sought a friend, someone to talk to, connect with, never imagining he’d fall in love.  And then we met!

I’m on this journey with him, to help him remain focused and not get down, to encourage him and remind him he’s not the person she wants him to believe he is in order to make herself feel better.

There are going to be obstacles, hurtles, speed bumps, but I’m his friend first and foremost and I’ve promised him to be along to provide whatever support he needs along the way.  He’s worth it to me and my love runs deeper than any struggles to be faced during this journey.

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