Slow change

Monday at dinner, things started changing.  He asked questions – questions he’s not asked before.  Questions about us being together, about what I’ll do with all my furniture, about how I’d feel if one of his parents passed and the other were to move in with us, about so many other important, relationship building type things.

He’s thinking future!  He’s making plans for our lives to merge!

Then Tuesday, he said it was time for me to come to his home and see where he lives.  It’s his pride and joy and justifiably so!  It’s beautiful!  He’s poured his heart and soul into his home.  Created a sanctuary in the mountains!

He’d given me the address a few months ago, along with his parents telephone number, in the event I didn’t hear from him and became worried.  It was his way of demonstrating his complete trust in me and his way of saying he would never willingly stop being in touch with me.  It was also his way of impressing upon me her volatility and his precarious living environment with her.

He gave me a tour of his home and while he wrapped up a few things for work, I sat on the screened porch enjoying the breeze and listening to the sounds of nature, catching glimpses of hummingbirds at the feeder.

When he was finished, we went for a jeep ride and he showed me his barn workshop, where he escapes to get away from her, and where he creates the most amazing furniture and projects.

After, we rode all over his property.  He showed me the boundaries and the extent of the land he owned.  He took me to other see other mountain vistas he enjoyed during his walks and his favorite views.  It was enjoyable seeing a deeper, more hidden side of him I’d not yet seen.

When we returned to the house, he told me he wanted very much to be able to take me inside and make love to me in his bed, in his home, but he was hesitant knowing he’d have to testify in the divorce, swear before a judge, in their divorce.  He didn’t want that in his mind, clouding his conscience.

We left and went to dinner then came back to my place for the rest of the evening and night.

He told me he wants us to be together, forever.  He wants me in his future, as his partner, as his wife.  We discussed my hesitancy and pulling back, the reason I’d stopped using the “L” word.  He said he’d noticed.  I explained my fear of getting hurt, of falling too hard, too fast, and hearing what he’d said about love taking time to grow and us not having known each other long enough to test what it was we were feeling for each other.

He told me I shouldn’t listen to what he says, he loves me and he knows he does!  He said he has known for a while I’m the one for him, the one who his heart beats for, the one he cherishes, the one he can’t imagine ever living without.

He said he’s shared everything with me in hopes of not losing me.  He fears that’s what’s happening and he said he can’t allow that to happen.  He said if she doesn’t leave willingly, of her own accord soon, he’ll make a settlement offer with her in hopes she’ll  leave.  He doesn’t want her to have anything, since she doesn’t contribute in any way, but he doesn’t want to continue their marriage any longer and wants her to decide to leave so he’ll not be forced to provide for her.

I want him safe, I want him free, and I want to have the opportunity to build a life together for as many days as we have left.  I want to make him as happy every day as he makes me, not just the few, spread out snippets of time we’re able to share now.

The change is coming and I’m hopeful and very glad.



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