No longer surprised, but still disappointed

Every suggestion, every attempt, every proposed plan this week has been for naught. I’ve finally reached a point of apathy.  If I see him, great.  If I don’t, well, then I don’t.  I will no longer keep my schedule open and empty waiting for him to decide if it works for us to get together.

I’m pulling back.  He’s feeling it, but trying to overlook what he knows are the signs and is attempting to pacify me.  His attempts aren’t working.  I don’t want to be pacified, I want to be given priority.

His wife’s schedule was different this week.  He knew, but failed to tell me.  I’m sure thinking it was not an issue.  Communication.  Failure.

He told me she was going to her dad’s today, stay over night, come back tomorrow evening.  He’d come stay with me.  Storms prevented that.  He’s said she’s trying again tomorrow,  He wanted to know my availability.

I already had plans to have dinner with a friend.  Told him as such.  Said we’d try again next week.  His response wasn’t good.  He implied I had “much more than dinner” planned.  Said dinner to him was a “60 minute thing with friends, not 4 or 5 hours, but that’s his world”.

My first reaction was to not reply.  I was angry!  How dare he question what I do when we’re not together.  It’s none of his business as long as he’s living with his wife.  I waited 2 hours.  Wanted to be thoughtful and not reactive.

I told him I was having dinner with a girlfriend, told him who she was and how I knew her, reminded him I’d mentioned her in relation to another event she and I were going to be attending, and I told him we’d likely spend an hour to an hour and a half at dinner.

I also told him he was welcome to come over, after work and chores, but that I wasn’t counting on it.  I told him I fully expected to receive a message tomorrow saying she wasn’t going and he therefore couldn’t come over.  I prefaced my statement with the fact all plans had changed so much this week I wasn’t going to count on it.

His response, “I’m not sure how to read between the lines here…so I won’t”.

The dance we’re doing in order to avoid the real issues is complex.  He knows I’m dissatisfied.  I’m ready to end things with him if I find someone more available, more suited to my interests and needs.  I think he feels it.

And while I’m typing this, he’s messaging.  Wants to reserve next Monday and Tuesday to be together.  He doesn’t want to be unfair with my time.  Which equates to his cancelling for tomorrow night.  Unbelievable.



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