This thing that I’m doing

After the Labor Day weekend fiasco, I decided to take a step back and re-access what I was doing with my life.  I missed spending my weekends with the married guy, yet I missed the guy I’d been dating more.  He wasn’t perfect for me and he still had the financial relationship with his female business partner, but I hoped we could overcome what I’d done and meet somewhere in the middle of where we once were and where we were now.

I thought there was a chance for us, but after a short attempt he panicked and decided he couldn’t move forward.  He decided to force a relationship with his business partner for the sake of her money and the business they were going to start.  He ended things with me, abruptly and completely.

I wasn’t looking for someone.  I was wounded and healing.  I was confused.  My divorce was slowly, but surely coming to an end.  I didn’t like spending my days and nights alone, but I didn’t want to be involved with someone wanting a more permanent relationship.  And I definitely wasn’t looking for meaningless sex.

I reactivated my account on a dating site I’d joined early on in my separation.  Not the affair site, but a site for single people.  Yes, there were guys playing games, but I knew that from the first time I was on.  I was going to be cautious, selective, and knew if I didn’t find the “right” one, I’d be okay.  That’s when I met him.

I don’t remember who contacted whom first, but it doesn’t really matter.  The important thing is we met.  We talked, often, and about everything.  It was comfortable and easy and we shared much in common.  I looked forward to seeing his messages and couldn’t wait to respond.

We chatted on the site for a short time and then shifted to email.  We communicated more easily and eventually planned to meet.  I knew he was married, but they were living in a “convenience” relationship.  He talked about a prenup agreement that required them to co-habitate during a separation.  There was a matter of his money and protecting it so she wasn’t able to take half.

We finally met.  And we had a really great time.  He was as interesting in person as he’d been in email, only in person I could see his facial expressions and hear the inflection in his voice.  His personality came through and I was drawn to him.

When we had sex for the first time, I was blown away!  He kissed so well and was tender and passionate all at the same time.  His size, his stamina, exceeded any expectation I’d had.  And I was all in!

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