My heart, my soul, my love is away at a convention this week. It’s an important event for his company as well as an important opportunity for him to achieve great success and promotion as a result. His time will be pressed from dawn until dark and he will be stressed physically each day.
I had brief messages from him yesterday, all day long, as he drove to the convention. He kept me apprised of his whereabouts, his journey, his safety. He was driving, traveling with another co-worker. His limited ability to communicate did not prevent him from messaging, from keeping in touch, being connected with me.
Today the convention is underway. Aside from his expected duties, the day started bright and early for my love with an added meeting he had not planned for, a fire to be extinguished, before he could begin the matter at hand.
I started his day with a message, a good morning wish, as I always do. I want to be his rock, his foundation, his comfort, his constant. I want to support him as only I can from where I am and in the position I hold in his life. I want to be his sunshine, his brightness, his laughter, his release.
All those things he’s missed out on, longed for, dreamed of, desired. He’s found them in me and he’s made note of it many times over. Commented on my optimism, my spirit of joy, my longing for happiness even in difficult situations. He relishes in my positive attitude, my caring, my nurturing.
I am only me, with him, for him. I don’t pretend to be anything other than who I am. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not in order to win him, it wouldn’t serve to keep him if I were to falsely act now differently than I will in the future. I want him to want to be with me of his own accord, his own knowledge, his own decision.
Right now, I get the best of him. He trusts me with his deepest thoughts, his most private feelings. He shares his dreams, his sorrows, his joys. I hear of his unrest, his unsettled heart, his discomfort in his marriage. He comes to me when he’s most in fear of her violence and destructive nature.
I have become his safe place, physically, emotionally, sexually. I will remain so for as long as he has need. And when the need passes, I will become his home. My heart will be given over to him and I will accept his heart in return, more deeply and fully than we already have.
He is worth everything to me. His heart is tender, loving, kind. He is no more and no less a victim of his circumstances than I am, yet we find ourselves at different stages of conclusion.
I will not turn my back on him. He is my best friend, first and foremost. I will allow him to work through his predicament. There will be a catalyst. There will be something that occurs forcing his hand and bringing an end to his unhappy, dangerous marriage.
And I will be at his side, supporting him, providing comfort, a shoulder, an ear.